Tired of feeling so deflated at the end of everyday.

I know I'm the one to blame for trusting that things would get better.

I think I'll easily hurt for the next 2 months. Then summer I'll get away and feel relieved.
So... maybe I should endur what I'm scared of... being once again, not his girlfriend, just to make the time past faster... and then swear I'm done once summer comes...

That's the lower, easier road to take... but why can't I make things simple for me for once? I hate feeling so shitty. If I stop trying to make it more than it is.. it'll all feel okay. Right?

And if he hurts me again.. well that would be awful. I never want to feel that bad again. But this mild hurt every day, adds up to a lot eventually.

I should just go to sleep, but it was so much easier with him next to me last night and all today.

Even if he cheated & "can't be a boyfriend"... I know that its more. I'm really not being foolish. I have no doubt that when I'm with him, he doesn't want to be anywhere else. He'd stay in my bed all day even if we just talk and sleep. He smiles at me for no reason, a smile that I know makes his heart jump.

I just know this is/was meant to be more. It's so hard to just walk away.
Even if I get nowhere by staying...