new phoonee

Blogger from my phone! Times are a'changin :-)

ps. i love diana and this is for her:
if i was invisiiiibleeeeeee

Tired of feeling so deflated at the end of everyday.

I know I'm the one to blame for trusting that things would get better.

I think I'll easily hurt for the next 2 months. Then summer I'll get away and feel relieved.
So... maybe I should endur what I'm scared of... being once again, not his girlfriend, just to make the time past faster... and then swear I'm done once summer comes...

That's the lower, easier road to take... but why can't I make things simple for me for once? I hate feeling so shitty. If I stop trying to make it more than it is.. it'll all feel okay. Right?

And if he hurts me again.. well that would be awful. I never want to feel that bad again. But this mild hurt every day, adds up to a lot eventually.

I should just go to sleep, but it was so much easier with him next to me last night and all today.

Even if he cheated & "can't be a boyfriend"... I know that its more. I'm really not being foolish. I have no doubt that when I'm with him, he doesn't want to be anywhere else. He'd stay in my bed all day even if we just talk and sleep. He smiles at me for no reason, a smile that I know makes his heart jump.

I just know this is/was meant to be more. It's so hard to just walk away.
Even if I get nowhere by staying...

BAHH

I'M PATHETICCCCC.

but... i like it.

"Thought this would cheer you up"

Glad how someoen I don't ever really talk to, just sent me a music video to "cheer me up".

Great.
Glad everyone knows I was cheated on.

Like the nerve of her to try to talk to me about it...
Wow

Oh thank you sun!

The sun greeted me this morning through my blinds!
And its fairly warm out.
This instantly made me happy. :)

And its been a fairly good day so far.
& I look pretty also, thats a bonus!

Alllll I needed!

Was some exercise, cheerios, and a romantic comedy. :) I feel good!

And No Strings Attached was awesome :) -I have about 3 minutes to go.

I am stupppid. and sent the website link to Peter. just with the message "you should watch it, im pretty sure you've said every line she does" and i told him not to reply.

This movie is so him. so i had to. but. i dont really want him to reply bc it wasnt to talk to him i just wanted him to see how RIDICULOUS he is.

but im happy and content. and i want it to be sunny tomorrow!!

Upside.

The good part about not having a boyfriend...

I don't have to shave my legs every day!!!
Or even shower that much!

Oh and creeping on boys, BACK ON.

Awful.

It sucks when you find out everythings a lie.

Alone.
Without him.
Forever.


I don't want to get into it but the main thing I feel is confusion.
I loved him? & now I hate him.
I wanted him to fix it but I wanted him to leave.

The images of what I didn't see haunts me.
And his words that expressed he couldn't do anything to change it... taunt me.

I made sure not to see him leaving because I didn;t want that to be a vision I couldn't get out. I just turned my head until I heard the door shut.

It sucks because now I know what it all really feels like and its awful.

Watching From Hell. & hoping this movie will cheer me up. I remember not liking it but I was 12... So maybe now I'll think its good. Got Johnny Depp, murders, and whores.. what else could I ask for..

Oh Venti Latte...

I knew I'd regret the iced venti soy caramel latte from starbucks...
I'm in the back row of class with no way out and have to pee prettttty badly!!

Only a half hour left.. I can not even pay attention - not that i do usually lol but still!

Damn you small bladder!

I just finished the last (10th) Princess Diaries book. I started rereading them this summer? Really that was so long ago! But I haven't been reading every day or every week, obviously.
But I finally finished the series and its so sad! To be done with the books! Except I'm not really, because Mia (from the book) wrote a romance novel that is actually out on shelves, so I have that to read and maybe she will pick the series back up? Who knows!

Anyway, choosing the next book to read is always a hard challenge. I went from reading a young adult princess book and have started a "paranormal romance" as it is labelled. This book is also last in the series, "Honeymoon of the Dead." I started it the moment I finished the last one and it was interesting but kinda draggy.
I was also debting the Eclipse novella, The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner but I don't think I am in the mood to read Stephanie Meyer, although it is short...
There's also another book I got for Christmas that is by the same romance author as above but its her young adult book... Perhaps that would be a better switch to supernatural - since that seems to be the remaining themese in the books I have.

I'll have to test it out later today. Sample each book and pick one.

March!

Even though February was a good month for me, I'm happy its over.
March = spring time!
Also I am allowed to breach the subject of dating with Peter in about 14 days.

I applied to several jobs at The Cary Institute of Ecosystem Studies near my house. 2 of them have to do with studying lyme disease and field work, while anotehr one has to do with the study of the Hudson River and mussels? I'm not sure. I don't care what I get it'll look good on a resume etc, close to home, and probably pays well. It's also fulltime which is good so I am not sitting in the house all summer and hate being there.