music is time.

This album makes me feel relaxed. and sad. and missing time for the past.

I thought everything was great. And would only get better. Or things would stay the same.
But you can't get memories back and things never stay the same.

I really wish I could relive those days. Everything.
Even the times I hated my life, and wanted to sleep away the rest of my life.
I'd go through all that heartache for just one day in this time.


At least I have the memories...
but it's just so depressing to never get to feel that way again.

Can't sleep.

I hate thiiss...
but sort of am like... if I'm not tired, why am I forcing myself to go to sleep.

Except then, I realize well I will be tired in the morning, when I get up at 8.

And then I realized, that I will be tired regardless of when I go to sleep.

But when will I even be tired???


This is unpleasant!
and my battery is low, which means I will have to get up soon and plug it in.
And is it worth it?
Because I should go to sleep.

Im trying to fool myself into sleep, by covering my head in blankets.
I love blankets.

Funny Fruit.

So the one that you thought was furthest from the apple, like the grapes (as mentioned before) is the one trying to win your heart. They say hold on and then actually text you back, they im you everytime they sign on. They are around when they say they will be.. The one who you say good night too, and then you add one more thing, and then they ask you about your day and you talk for an hour.
but the one you wanted to be an apple, the peach, is the one who doesn't remember to call you. and the one who stops a conversation, but not replying.

I really want the peach.



(LMAO this fruit analogy is hilarious and is why I am continuing with it.)

And the key is.....

confidence.
I guess.

When you are confident and you aren't looking for something, there it is right in front of you... or well if you are looking for an apple, maybe you don't get an apple, but you get like... a peach. Its similar, and will do. And it makes you happy.

And you giggle because you have been looking for any sort of fruit and all you got were veggies, and rotten veggies none the less.
But now you have Peaches, Mangos, and maybe even some grapes.
And you don't know what to do with all this fruit!

I guess you can leave them on the counter, or put them in the fridge and let them linger and perhaps they will by chance, turn into the apple you wanted after all.

In the meantime, you are proud to have such a variety.

horoscope

My horoscope for today:
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): William Henry Dines invented many instruments for accurate weather predictions. You are on to something big and wonder if the winds are on your side. Don’t dismiss your heightened intuition. Your ally is helping you secure what you most want

:)

The rain.

It sounds sooo perfect from indoors.
I would love to go out and jump in it,
but to arrive at class in my soaking hoodie is not favorable.

Rain boots on hand.
I'm gonna sit this one out and listen to the thunder.
So not acedemic.

What others fail to notice.

If you care, you take the time.
If you're gonna wing it, you don't really want it.

I think this works in many situations.
How I meant it was that I've gone on "dates" where we would be like
"should we see movie?" "ok"

But, this time it was "I wanted to show you a nature preserve, it's like my favorite spot ever." And he knew that I would like this because he took an interest in who I am. It wasn't a generic date. "Since you're an environmental major, I figured you liked outdoorsy stuff." And boy was he right. I probably wouldn't have thought to do those types of things but it was the most fun I probably ever had.
I think next weekend, if we hang out again, I'm going to take him to the place in Southampton where you can feed birds out of your hand. He likes similar things, I believe.

But after typing the first part, I realize this can be directed to a lot of things. In which I was having an inner fight with myself. But I just have to remember that.