I hate my life, voila.

I’ve learned many things in college.

How to shotgun a beer and smoke without setting off the fire alarm.
But my most favorite thing I learned, and yet least favorite at the same time is how to deal with a broken heart.

Prior to college, relationships are simple despite how complicated they may appear to be. In college, everyone has a past, and if they don’t they are usually pretty serial killer scary. I can’t speak for everyone but my college love was superb. It lasted a whole four months. It was real. We felt it. We loved it. We cherished every minute of it, waiting for it to come to its bitter end. Which it did, of course, that’s how it always goes isn’t it?

It started off like every college relationship, I mean, hook up. We drank together, we laughed together, and laid in bed together. We had a fun time that night, but I knew my rightful place, and left shortly after at an early 7 am. That weekend to follow, was my favorite of all. We spent every moment together……….

Wait a minute, but it ended?? What was it that went wrong? I keep blaming myself for not being pretty enough, or skinny enough, or blond, or flirty. Then I realized, I am all those things. Well, not blond, but my point is still there. Some people just don’t deserve great things. And it’s clearly not my fault that he didn’t realize it sooner. Or he didn’t cherish it. That he went out and ruined it while I was drinking with him and our friends. That he ignored me. That he shot me down. That he was a pathetic mess. I am not to blame.
I don’t care how pretty she is, or how high you were, or how intoxicated you were. You had a girl in front of you, that you had for four months. But you shushed her up and pushed her away for a girl you barely talked to. And who quite honestly, would not in a million years, be with you.
I was doing you a favor. Making you look worthy of girls, in general. I was helping you not be so fucking pathetic. I guess you let it go to your head. Sorry, I just have low standards but most girls don’t. You won’t get that girl because she won’t settle for a grade below her. And quite honestly, I won’t either. I don’t need to settle, for a guy like you, when I can get a guy a 100000x better, who won’t try to get with other girls.

Your birthday and valentine gifts, are in a garbage by the door. I guess that’s what they are after all, right? Garbage. Pointless things you got me for what reason? Because you were fucking me? I don’t need your gifts. I don’t need your time at all. Guess what. Out of all the orgasms you’ve given me. I faked about 95% of them. I have had better. And quite honestly, most of the times I just got bored. Hence the faking. I just wanted it to be over. And I didn’t want to share my bed with you. I wanted you to get the fuck out. Cuddling is for people who like each other. And you never liked me, and now I do not like you.

So get the fuck out of my life. I never want to speak to you again. I never meant anything as much I mean this. What kills me more, is that you will never be man enough to explain. You won’t come and try to plead your case. You won’t talk to me in person. Because you know why? You’re a coward. And what’s worse than a cowardly man? Nothing. It is the worst. I can do much better than a cheating coward. Easily. You claim all the girls you’ve gotten, I’ll call your bluff. You want proof of mine? Look around you. I’m not proud of it, but the truth is, you’re just one of many and I’ve hurt this way before. I’ve loved this way before. You couldn’t really hurt me any worse than I’ve already felt.

I’m sitting here writing this because I can’t sleep. I would much rather punch you in the face or scream at you. I would much rather do a thousand other things to you, than sleep. Because I’m so heart broken. Except, I call bluff on myself. I know that once I do fall asleep, and wake up sometime tomorrow that I will feel better. That my heart will be mended and I won’t hate everything so much. I may even forgive you for being a greedy, worthless pig. Maybe. But I know that I won’t be blaming me anymore. That I’ll feel renewed at the fact that I can get any boy I want and that you are not worth the challenge anymore. I’ve grown bored of your self loathing games. I want a man who can stand up for himself, plead his case, take me out, and want to be with me as much as I want to be with him.

I won’t need you in the morning.
I hope you got a good look of me last night, because seeing you will be the last thing I do.

Happy Birthday, in a series of Horoscopes.

My horoscope today! I've been waiting all year to read the "If todays your birthday:" so here it is:

Happy Birthday! You are inspired to make changes to your health habits, especially where they make you feel more beautiful. Small adjustments to your routines bring more pleasure and fun into your life. It will be a great year, enjoy!

DAILY HOROSCOPE: We often associate love with romance, but philosophers since ancient times have identified many forms. Whether its love of family, friendship, self-value, or partnership, I do think there are many ways we can experience care and appreciation. It will be a great day, enjoy!

Aquarius Horoscope: Synthetic flowers create permanent beauty, but they don’t smell like the real thing. You may be trying to create something long lasting. However, there is a rare beauty in what must change. Appreciate the brilliance available now, even if you don’t know if it will last.

Best Vegan Mac & Cheese

Basically I started off using a vegan mac and cheese recipe found on vegweb, here

But after tweaking to be easier and cheaper I have come up with the following recipe:

Ingredients:

1 pound of elbow macaroni

"Cheese" Sauce:
1 cup unsweetened nondairy milk
1 cup mashed potato flakes
2/3 cup canola or vegetable oil (debating using apple sauce)
2/3 cup water
2 packets or teaspoons of chinese soy sauce
about 1/3 of (14 ounce) block [lite] firm tofu
2/3 tablespoon garlic powder
2/3 tablespoon paprika
dash of salt
Saltines


Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Boil water in a big pot and cook pasta according to package directions.

2. Add all of the "cheese" sauce ingredients in a blender and process until smooth. This may be difficult so I tend to split it up and do it in sections. Once pasta is cooked, drain and put it in the baking pan (about the size of a brownie pan). Pour the "cheese" sauce over the pasta.

3. Break/grind saltine crackers on top of macaroni.

4. Bake until the top of the pasta looks slightly browned and crispy, about 15 minutes.


Serves: 1-10 people. (I can very much devour this whole thing, but served as a side dish, could serve 8-10.)
Preparation time: I'm a spazz cooking, so it took me about 20 minutes;
Cooking Time: 15 minutes

-This original recipe had called for nutritional yeast, however what I found was incredibly expensive. So this is great because it has no nutritional yeast in it and is amazingly tasty. Also the original called for a dallop of mustard, this may give it that yellow color but I didn't feel like putting in the mustard. I don't mind if its more a hummus color.

--I'm making it at the moment to bring back to school, however I will probably eat it for breakfast and lunch tomorrow! So good!

Oh Hello, November

I can't believe its already November 20th, and will be the 21st in less than an hour. It's almost done!
Which is very good, its been a bad month acedemically.
Every test, I do bad on. Thought I'd get a 90 or at least an 80 (but I'd be disappointed with that) on my Anthropology test. I ended up getting a 65.
a 65!

I reviewed my test and it was things like "a,b, not C" or "all of the above" "none of the above" which i feel are tricks. And one legit dumb choice on my half.
Totally lame.

Basically after that I just hate doing anything because I am doing so bad in everything.
I can't wait until Tuesday to go home!!
I have anthropology Wednesday morning, we are watching a movie. She said "this doesn't mean don't come to class" ... ok I'm not gonna sit in traffic for an 55 hour class/movie. So I am leaving Tuesday evening.

I cant wait to see my Norman. My newborn cousin's baptism is tomorrow, and him and my whollle family are going to be there. I'm pumped. It's being held 20 minutes away from here, so its perfect.

Lame update because nothing at alllll has happeneeedddd.


Except.

Four Lokos have been discovered.
but now
Four Lokos have been banned.