my aunt is the most inspirational person to me, sorry mom.
because she just has so much strength.
She also found true love that would have last a lifetime, but really lasts much longer.
At the age of 19 she married my uncle and had my cousin.
and 3 years later my other cousin.
I could imagine it wasn't easy for them but they made it and their house was my favorite place to be. The only other place than my house where I ever wanted to sleep over.
They'd take me to the Windmill diner where I remember getting french toast for dinner and putting quarters into the booth jukebox.
I'd make them watch my disney movies all night and eat ice cream and tons of delicious stuff!
Then I'd sleep in between them all night and woke up to breakfast or go out to another diner for breakfast.
I learned so much from my uncle like different types of birds, flowers, and basically everything I now teach Norman. I know he'd be so happy at my environmental major and probably teach me more than my professors.

My aunt has so much strength because she lost my uncle 13 years ago this past July 8th. She has dated someone in between these years but even he knew that he couldn't replae my uncle or the love of her life.
I love her more than anything and always tell her how she's my favorite.<3

I'm so drunk right now... Not too drunk only like 6-7 beers drunk.
I miss my boyfriend.

I tried texting my ex, to distract me from having to pee so bad.
He didn't reply... so i'm sure tomorrow he will, when I want to sleep..

I love who I am with right now and can't stop trying to be with him... I'm hoping he loves me as mujch as I love him.


&&& PS I passed both summer courses I was taking with a C or better :)

July ALREADY?

This weekend I'm going away with Peter and his family to Pennsylvania :)
It may thunder which suuuucks because we are going to go tubing off the boat and swimming and so on. So i hope it doesn't!

I went out tanning today to hopefully look decent in my bathing suit. I've noticed chubby girls look so good in bikinis if they are tan. So I'm hoping my legs will look skinnier. lol

I'm trying to be on a diet too but it's not working out. Also because I'm not working out... lol.

And then next week is my last week of classes :)
except meaning that I wont see peter every week.. but its only 7 more weeks at that point. so its manageable :)

Fire or sleep?

We (my family) woke up last night at probably about 3 to some beeping. It subsided and we went to sleep. One hour later, it beeped again, scaring the living daylight out of me and forced me to stand up and say in an almost crying voice "WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!" my mom annoyed at the noise and me goes, "It's the carbon monoxide detector. Unplug it."
Without thought, I did. I did notice it said 0 on it, but it likes to beep randomly sometimes or when we lose power.

Then while we disabled that, it beeped again. This time we realized it was the smoke detector - clearly not detecting any smoke or fire.
We fiddled around with the detector for a bit and then gave up thinking, maybe we fixed it.

Norman woke up at this point so I layed in with him, now its about 4am, until he went to sleep. I get back in my bed/my moms bed (bc I don't actually have a room here anymore) and fall back to sleep.
About a half hour later. It beeps again.
An hour later, again.
an hour later, again.
Finally I got up, and found the reset button and pressed it.
It stopped beeping, I went back to sleep, and woke up an hour later for work.

My mom said it beeped before they went out earlier today.
But I hadn't heard it since I got home at 3:30.
That was, until 50 minutes ago.
When it beeped again!

My mom bought new batteries today but we couldn't figure out how to do it.
But now I replaced all of them and am hoping that at 9:55 (5 to the hour seems to be the time they chime) it does NOT beep again or I will very happily smash every single one.

I hate how people make me feel, scratch that... how I let people make me feel like my feelings/thoughts are petty & insignificant.
Like I'm a child whose words have no value.

I don't at all care what you think!

Cry cry cry babyyyy

Seriously. If I was having sex, I'd think I was pregnant.

I'm generally in such a shitty mood. And Peter said he thinks he's falling in love with me... which was kinda confusing, even though it was meant to be cute, considering we've been saying it every now and then via text but we're still too shy and awkward to say it in person.
Then said, its getting better, increasingly more. which i guess is sweet too. i mean. i guess its the same for me because I hate leaving him everytime we see each other. He came to visit me sunday evening at home - via the ferry. and I dropped him off on tuesday and wanted to cry.
And today I visited him on my way back home from school. Didn't want to cry when I left, but it sucked. I wish I coulda stayed forever -- except I'm going back down on tuesda and staying there tues and wednesday night. so that'll be nice.

My main idea that came to my head that inspired a blog post was, considering this all started with me saying "I want you"

That...

I'd rather have a boy who is falling more and more in love with me, than one who only wants sex. Obviously. But rather have the love, then the physical part of our relationship in general - even though I am totally the guy in the relationship about all the physical stuff.

I love his family. I met his aunt today. And I feel really comfy there, even though I've only been there one time before. I never felt at home at my ex's house.

We accidently walked down the diaper aisle today, and he goes, "no diapers for a while, a long while, a long time." lol. which made me laugh. PUHLEASE. i dont think i want kids till i'm at least 30... but since thats 8 smal years away.... maybe 35. lol

SUMMER!

Summer has begun.

We may go to splash down - a water park near my house that we've actually never been to - on Monday!
And Peter is coming tomorrow night (hopefully) and gonna come monday with us.
If we don't end up going, I'm gonna definitely make it fun and we will go to the local zoo that has LEMURS!! and Marmosets! So it's totally worth it and only costs 2 dollars.

I just need to smell him.


I am soooo excited :)

sometimes i just feel like a zombie.
it takes one thing to make me feel so insignificant.
it sucks

paperss

"Oh you're playing another game? I was going to go back to my room and ask if you wanted to come."-me
"Why are you going back to your room?"-peter
"To sleep."
"You can sleep here."
"I need to straighten my hair in the morning."
"Your hair looks nice like that."

:) So I guess I'll stay :)
I sometimes feel like maybe I'm clingy because the past 2 weeks we've only spent one night apart... but I guess he realllly does like me around. haha. its always nice to know.

off to bed, i finished a "4 page paper" which turned out to be 5 + a cover sheet, a work cited, and 6 pages of appendicciis.

As for my 20 page paper... I got 4 pages down, in just an hour and half on wednesday... Tomorrow I aim for 6 more pages to be at 10 pages.. then I'm half way there! :) Then I'll switch gears to do my 7-8 page portion of my group paper due wednesday.
It's slowing all coming together.

I was invited to go to an anthropologist/primatologist party tonight. But I ended up 1. having a huge headache and feeling awful 2. hickeys on my neck and 3.having to do this 4 page paper that resulted in over 4 hours of my life.
So while I wish i could have went, i really couldn't have. eh.

ew. finals. papers galore. it all sucks. im dreading these last 2 weeks.

good things are:
-got a summer house in southampton!
its so dreamy!
-me and peter are finallllly dating and i looove it
his ex girlfriend has been trying to give me drama but its whatev. nothing i can do about what she says. could be true or not. she talked shit to my friend about me but when i ran into her today she was fairly calm and diplomatic. so i said thanks and didnt get bitchy.




things to do this week.
geography final tomorrow
gis paper and google earth ppt due saturday
sustainable agriculture 15 page partner paper and final on the 18th
and env. problems final on the 18
technical writing 20 page paper due the 19th

then. im drinking lots of alcohol... til my summer classes begin on the 31st...

from my kin :-P

im watching norman play a seseame street fossil game on my computer. he kills me. he uncovers the bones and puts them together and then goes "thats a brontasaurus" or whatever it is. lol
he had to stay home from daycare today to spend the day with me.. iwanted to sleep. but his cuteness makes it okay! :-)

"The view from up here is getting better with you by my side. "

We The Kings are not the most manliest of bands.
But I love that he loves them. He never plays his screamo music in the car with me. He only plays songs that he can sing to me, well, he can sing those too, but he always sings me cutesy songs.

I don't think hes coming over tonight, but thats okay. :)

At least I may be on the island this summer which is closer to him...
as long as it doesnt end.. lol. which I'm sure there will be other prospects out in the Hamptons ;) where I will be staying - hopefully.

Things are so going so well! :)
He kisses me in public now and everyone knows we're together because hes always holding my hand.

Downside... still not dating. still scared he'll hurt me... I dont know how to fix it because I'm afraid bringing it up is going to ruin things.

but. he kissesss me all the time when im asleep. Like if i take a nap in his bed when he's playing games. he will kiss me about 6 times an hour. on my forehead, hands, nose, anywhere and its so cute.

I just love him with me.


Oh crap! time to feed ambres fish! i totally forgot all morning!
& shower.

Had a great weekend! His parents were super sweet and invited me to come back for spring break. :)
We (me, peter, and his friend corey) then took a few pics in his bathroom (randomly) and it was awesome. the others are on fb. but i dont like this one too much for faceboook. but its our only me and him picture. so itll do for less public use.

peter invited me home with him this weekend. im laying in the guest bedroom right now... we were at his friends til late so i still havent met his parents... lol im so nervous

new phoonee

Blogger from my phone! Times are a'changin :-)

ps. i love diana and this is for her:
if i was invisiiiibleeeeeee

Tired of feeling so deflated at the end of everyday.

I know I'm the one to blame for trusting that things would get better.

I think I'll easily hurt for the next 2 months. Then summer I'll get away and feel relieved.
So... maybe I should endur what I'm scared of... being once again, not his girlfriend, just to make the time past faster... and then swear I'm done once summer comes...

That's the lower, easier road to take... but why can't I make things simple for me for once? I hate feeling so shitty. If I stop trying to make it more than it is.. it'll all feel okay. Right?

And if he hurts me again.. well that would be awful. I never want to feel that bad again. But this mild hurt every day, adds up to a lot eventually.

I should just go to sleep, but it was so much easier with him next to me last night and all today.

Even if he cheated & "can't be a boyfriend"... I know that its more. I'm really not being foolish. I have no doubt that when I'm with him, he doesn't want to be anywhere else. He'd stay in my bed all day even if we just talk and sleep. He smiles at me for no reason, a smile that I know makes his heart jump.

I just know this is/was meant to be more. It's so hard to just walk away.
Even if I get nowhere by staying...

BAHH

I'M PATHETICCCCC.

but... i like it.

"Thought this would cheer you up"

Glad how someoen I don't ever really talk to, just sent me a music video to "cheer me up".

Great.
Glad everyone knows I was cheated on.

Like the nerve of her to try to talk to me about it...
Wow

Oh thank you sun!

The sun greeted me this morning through my blinds!
And its fairly warm out.
This instantly made me happy. :)

And its been a fairly good day so far.
& I look pretty also, thats a bonus!